


Weakness

by Hormonal_Trashbag



Series: Moments of Desparity [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Canon, SPOILERS for TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 06:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13025601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hormonal_Trashbag/pseuds/Hormonal_Trashbag
Summary: *SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI*“All I was looking for was a place to belong,” she sniffled, “a family of my own.”His voice was strangled.“You can’t find that with me?”“Ben--”“It’s not too late,”he frantically whispered, taunting, full lips brushing over the shell of her ear.“Please.”





	Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is probably really boring but I'm still trying to process what happened in TLJ...and explain why Kylo became Supreme Leader. Idk, I just feel all over the place. Enjoy...?

Rey hadn’t known what to tell Finn. He gave her a full recount of his recent adventures in Canto Bight and aboard the _Supremacy,_ and when he was finished, he fixed her with an expectant stare, as if to say, _your turn._

What could she possibly say? _I trusted Kylo Ren--_ Ben Solo _\--and he betrayed me. I saw our intertwined futures and it was so beautiful that it brought me to tears, but Ben saw something else and now…_

She felt more alone than ever.

Finn would be no comfort, not when he knew what sort of man Kylo Ren was. She didn’t want to hear him ask what she had expected from a monster that would kill his own father. Of course he had chosen power over her. That it bothered her so much just proved how deep her naivete ran. It had been childish to think that she, a _nobody,_ could turn him back to the light, and yet, this realization did nothing to curb her desire to find somewhere cool and dark and dry to curl into herself and weep.

So, Rey distracted the small, remaining group of Resistance fighters with tales about the island on Ahch-To and Luke Skywalker’s eccentricities. Leia was the only one to gaze at her knowingly, evidently aware that Rey had more to tell than she ever could. Leia understood the source of her heartache and if nothing else, Rey could trust the general would never judge her for her weakness.

Chewbacca didn’t ask her what had happened during her time aboard Snoke’s flagship and she didn’t offer any explanation. When the excitement inevitably died down, she crept into the cockpit. Chewbacca still resisted taking the captain’s seat so Rey pulled her knees to her chest and leaned against the tattered headrest, overwhelmed by the conviction that this was where Ben should be sitting.

If he wasn’t so selfish, so wrapped up in what he believed his destiny to be.

Chewbacca left her with a quiet moan when the first tears spilled down her cheeks.

_“I didn’t make this decision to be selfish.”_

His voice was gentle, imploring, even. He still wanted her to join his side.

She swiped at her eyes with the cuffs of her sleeves, answering with a wet scoff. “That wasn’t an invitation to talk. I can’t look at you right now.”

_“Why do you act as if this connection is something I chose?”_

Rey glared at her boots. “Are you suggesting it’s my fault, then? Snoke was _your_ master--”

 _“Yes,”_ he interrupted with a snarl, _“he_ was _. Until I killed him. For you. And_ you _left. I sacrificed everything, Rey, and you left me there. Alone.”_

Her eyes shot up to where he was reclined in Chewbacca’s vacated chair, his chest bare and a sheet over his lap. There was no helping the sudden heat that rose to her cheeks. The first time she had seen him in a state of undress was one thing, but this had to be intentional. Surely he knew the effect he had on her, how she _longed_.

“So, what, you’re going to punish me now?” She sneered, averting her gaze. “Make a point of all the things I can’t have? I knew you could be cruel, Ben, but--”

_“You could have stayed! I wanted you to stay, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”_

It would have been so easy to reach out to him once more, to feel the trembling touch of his fingertips as she had in the stone hut on Ahch-To, but she had to practice restraint.

“What about what I want?” she whispered back. “I’m just a scavenger, aren’t I? I’m no one. Why would a nobody like me want to rule a galaxy?”

Her ears perked at the shuffling, light sounds of his sheet drifting down his long legs to the floor as he stood. Rey could feel his frustration and anger as clearly as the light bursting at his seams. She closed her eyes in shame, hot tears stinging as they dribbled down her face.

 _“I don’t want to rule the galaxy. It isn’t about what either of us wants, Rey,”_ he informs her with a sharp tone. _“The Republic is gone, Snoke is gone, the Resistance is no more than a handful of weary soldiers escaping certain death, and what does that leave? I couldn’t allow a sniveling sycophant like Hux to take power for himself, and he’s the only officer in the First Order that’s even remotely capable of leading. Someone needs to keep the trillions of star systems in line, someone who won’t use their power to exploit the vulnerable or enslave the impoverished.”_

Rey felt sick to her stomach. “And you think you’re the man to do it.”

She didn’t look at him when his warm palm slid over her bicep.

 _“I know I am,”_ he murmured, his voice much too close for comfort. His breath fanned across the crown of her head. _“Just as I know you’re supposed to rule with me.”_

Rey shook her head, gnawing on her lower lip. “Please don’t do this to me, Ben. I can’t--not again--” her voice cracked and that was all it took for her steely walls to come tumbling down, a ragged sob ripping from deep in her chest.

She didn’t have the strength to shake him off when two muscular arms wrapped around her, warm, spicy skin surrounding her from every side until Ben was all she could feel. She was weak. Foolish. Rey returned his embrace, nails rasping at his broad back to hold him so close, they might just meld into one.

“All I was looking for was a place to belong,” she sniffled, “a family of my own.”

His voice was strangled. _“You can’t find that with me?”_

“Ben--”

 _“It’s not too late,”_ he frantically whispered, taunting, full lips brushing over the shell of her ear. _“Please.”_

The word slipped through his wobbling lips with the same desperation as the first time he’d pleaded with her. She wished she could give in. But she had promised Luke she wouldn’t fail him and Rey didn’t intend to.

 _“Am I not enough for you?”_ he asked, mouth smoothing along her neck, his own tears bleeding warm moisture into her tunic. _“Or will I always be a monster, a creature in a mask, a murderous snake--”_

For a moment, she hated him for throwing her accusations back in her face, but it did nothing to eclipse the depth of her feelings.

Without a thought, she twisted her neck towards him, her mouth instantaneously latching to his.

Rey wasn’t sure if she was tasting the salt from his tears or from her own, but it cut through the softness of kissing him, as if to remind her that while it could be perfect with him, it decidedly wasn’t. This could be all she ever had with him, though, and Rey wasn’t above being greedy, her tongue prodding past his plump lips to taste more.

His too-large hands stroked along her jaw, careful fingers twisting into her hair as she gasped into him.

“Ben?”

They tore away from each other at the unexpected interruption, heads swiveling towards the voice to find a mystified Leia standing under the archway that led into the cockpit. Panic gutted them both, and as Rey turned back to Ben, fingers clinging to his skin in an attempt to keep him there, he faded into nothingness.

“So, that’s how it is,” Leia sighed, tired and accepting. Then in a wry tone, “He truly is his father’s son.”

Rey didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think...?


End file.
